Embrace love and life.

( Not yet 25, but showing symptoms )

While walking to work today, I had this mind-blowing visualization of what I want to do for the few months after graduation.

This India internship has really been a journey of personal reflection and growth. Really didn't expect all the lessons that have come my way but am grateful to God for the opportunity to practice, demonstrate and most importantly strengthen my Christian faith.

I have discovered that I actually do have a feisty side when push comes to shove, although anger really robs you of all ounce of energy and joy.

Yesterday, HX and I had an unexpected intense exchange with our project advisor. All because of false impressions and misinterpretations. I felt an irrepressible disappointment arising in me as my hopes to effect a small positive change here in India being crashed by some sort of a cultural and probably, generational differences.

Being open-minded about other people's culture is simple; just tell yourself that you are in no position to pass any judgement of how or what is to be done. However, yes, it takes alot of time and a high degree of social interaction with the culture before coming to appreciate and to understand the nuances.

The thing was, we knew our survey results have been tainted by the factors of social desirability and obviously, a language barrier.

But. The passion in wanting to help, wanting to improve, knowing that there is an opportunity to do so was interpretated as being flippant enough to make generalizations and lacking cultural sensitivity.

To even suggest making an improvement indicates that something is off the mark (but not necessarily wrong)... and not everyone is coming from the same wavelength, so people disagree. Some get defensive, some get frustrated but to me, I ask, does it better the situation? Absolutely not.

I strongly subscribe to standing up for what you believe in despite the obstacles that may come your way. However, at times, it is necessary to take a step back and respect the hierarchy that is in place. The chain of command is there for a reason.

Maybe I wouldn't get to improve the situatuon by great leaps and bounds; change might not even effect in my generation but it isn't a reason to be dejected and defeated. I must continue clinging on to the faith that my life's purpose is much higher than its present state, just like Colossioans 3:23-24 says, 'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.'

And I shouldn't let what transpired yesterday to stop me from doing what I can and believe in. During my quiet time this morning, I came across a well-known verse that I hold close to my heart.

Paul wrote in Philippians 3:13-14, 'Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.'

Now, the test comes into translating what I hold dear into practical actions.

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Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.
- George Bernard Shaw

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Currently am encouraged by the lyrics of this song by Casting Crowns.

Beautiful Savior

All my days I will sing this song of gladness
Give my praise to the fountain of delights
For in my helplessness, you heard my cry
And waves of mercy poured down on my life

(chorus)
Beautiful Savior, wonderful counselor
Clothed in majesty, Lord of history
You're the way, the truth and the life
Star of the morning, glorious in holiness
You're the risen one, heaven's champion
And you reign, you reign over all

I will trust in the cross of my Redeemer
I will sing of the lamb that never fails
Of sins forgiven, of conscience cleared
Of death defeated and life without end

(chorus)
Beautiful, beautiful Savior
Wonderful counselor, beautiful risen one

(chorus)
I long to be where the praise is never ending
Yearn to Dwell where the glory never fades
Where countless worshipers sing one song
And the voices of the nations
Sing worthy, worthy
Worthy beautiful, beautiful one
Jesus you are worthy, beautiful, beautiful one
Jesus you're worthy, beautiful, beautiful one
You are worthy, beautiful, risen one

Anger drains me of all energy and makes me feel as though as my head is clamped by a concrete stone. I hate feeling unsettled, where the negative vibes are just multiplying by the minute.

I spent the whole day in the office thinking about the chain of events that mounted into nothing but a dramatic reality check about the people around me and even more so, myself.

This verse came up to me while I fought with my guilt conscience.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).

Only after a period of cooling down and reflection did I realize how silly the situation seemed. It all boiled down to assumptions made due to the lack of open communication.

Rashness results in a moment of folly. Saying things that you don't mean, and being hurtful to others (and God).

But through it all, I believe every circumstance is a chance for myself to grow, discover things I never knew about myself, and if need be, to make the necessary amends.

What does it mean to strive to become a better person? 

I think it's to lay down my pride; too much pride trips a person up. To realize that I am not perfect, I have made mistakes, and have resolved to make the effort not to mess up the same way in future.

To step forward and say with courage and humility, 'I am sorry'. Three simple words that usually takes so much for one to utter. I wonder if the world would become a better place if everyone sets aside all conceitedness, self-righteousness and feelings of superiority.

Yes, there are times when people say or do things that really piss us off. I remember a recent sermon on anger. Anger is fine, it allows us to realize that certain things are not right... but it is what we decide to do with our anger that is important.

And the Bible didn't lack any verses on anger, pride or humility.

“The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.” (Psalms 10:4)

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble" (1 Peter 5:5)

"as God's chosen people...clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" (Colossians 3:12)

My instance of outrage was rare that it even shocked myself.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves (Philippians 2:3)

I struggle with loving unlovable people, but that is because I only do so with my own strength.

I made a mistake by raising my voice, but I am glad that I have managed to stay calm and speak without getting all defensive.

In the end, all that it takes is barely a huge effort to be kind, honest and to speak lovingly,

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Deep down inside, I recognize that we still  have our differences,,, but I also recognized that I didn't have to 'win' an argument to be a winner.

I slept peacefully last night.

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“It’s all about character. Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

-Frank Out